Sealed in the pretense that cloaks,
the sunken hollowed eyes that tear,
I kept it all in, within smiles and jokes.
I swallowed empty cries of fear.
And you are to blame.
You’re killing my own reasons to live,
you’re hustling a heart from breathing free.
You expect so much,
and you want it all from me.
I do try my best to give,
but I’m just only human, you see.
You require me to always get it right,
and right at the very first try.
I’m just only human,
and they do stumble sometimes in pain,
though, you never seem to understand.
you are disappointed at letting me try again
You want me to be there with you,
faultless, brave, upright.
But what you don’t know is that
I weep alone, I cry all night.
You push me, you drag me along
leaving bruises and guilt of not being good enough.
I’m tired, defeated, I can’t be that strong
to sail with a smile, when the winds are rough.
You want me to smile,
but you never become the reason to it.
You want me to laugh,
joy clamped, in all the brace and bit.
Well, I have only the truth left now,
My mouth will spew the bitter.
I’ll say it all, I’ll tell you how,
Lonely wails lurked in the glitter.
I contained the wars
of many identities within one name.
I tied them in deepest scars.
and I’ll tell you how, you are to blame.
For whenever I reach to touch new rays,
It is you who cuts my wings before they unfurl.
And you wonder why I don’t talk these days,
you wonder what happened to your chirpy girl?
I’m not your perfect girl.
I make mistakes, I mess.
I’m not your flawless, shiny pearl
I’m a broken wreck, I confess.
I’m razed to coldness,
and hardened like ice.
‘Cause you kept me too long
in a dead disguise.
You cannot shell me safe, beneath the seas
For I’m like thoughts that flow in the breeze.
For I’m the wind that sweeps,
over the lonely sands.
I’m the storm that rages
in far off, unseen lands.
Don’t bind me thus, don’t brand my spirit with one name,
don’t give me identities to live within
‘Cause, there are restless struggles of a flame,
that I can no longer contain in skin.
I am only just human,
stuck in a mess of rules and laws.
I am just only human.
Losing myself in an abyss of flaws
I can only surface and speak,
upon the white , in ink.
I cannot voice the words, I’m weak
to say out loud, what I may think.
I might live with my face concealed,
but die in the shroud of lies.
And the wounds would sear beneath, unhealed,
never told, always felt, in disguise…