It’s both simple and difficult.
Whenever I have thought even remotely to dissolve my existence, only a few thoughts have kept me on the scaffold of life.
There is nothing lost, nothing at all, till you have your head and body intact. Till the question is not of a life threatening situation that you’re placed in.
And infinite faith.
God/faith in yourself/ goodness/ love/ peace/ whatever you want to call it.
I might rely on friends to help me out. I might vent, cry, scream, cut…
But I have always been grounded by Faith.
Faith in creation– everything perceptible, everything unseen, unheard, unsaid, yet felt. Faith in purpose, even if it is unknown, or forgotten. Unfailing, unconditional… almost imposed Faith.
I’m human, and I will feel, I will fall, I will have a diseased body and mind… but that is what happens to me on the outside. It’s physical… even the mental afflictions are of physical nature. The only thing that is constant is what I am within… and within there is God. There is a supreme being that vitalises yours. The moment one realises how small ones existence is… what is a few years of life compared to the limitless ageing universe? We have nothing but a blink of a cosmic second to live.
To feel like we are important, is necessary to exist. But to feel self important and take oneself too seriously is foolhardiness.
You aren’t you, I’m not me… Our identities are not the different bodies… we’re all one, one single creation of life. I’m inside of the flower that blooms, the cat that calls at night, the wailing hungry kid on the street…. The material identity is our name, and our status and the little bundle of Time we have been given to use to its best. But what is real is that, our identity is dispersed… like salt in an ocean…
Your pain is mine, every grief in the world is mine… every joy that is felt is mine.
When the mind goes awry, it is because it has detached itself from within… from it’s own vitalising force. It has lost itself in the material being it is. He/she has started to look with the eyes and think with the mind… machinery that enable us to be percieve. But that person has shut down the consciousness, and been drifted away from the divine.
At this moment, life doesn’t seem to serve a purpose.
If I’m alive, breathing… it is because within I’m rock steady- always the same, placid as a lake, deep as an ocean. Young as the newborn, as old as my Maker.
I’m falling in an Abyss of Flaws… and it’s obvious I don’t have a choice but to keep falling till my destined end comes as the rock bottom.
Sure I don’t have a choice but to go on, as you say it… but the choice that is in my hand is how to make the most of this fall. The choice of my life may not be mine, but the choice of living is. And so is how I want to live.
And my Faith in any creation is unto death, and beyond.
Foremost, the Faith in myself.