What a helpless cringing excuse for a person. How did you manage to become this, girl?How did you manage this drastic change of head and heart? Or was it already happening, so slow and small that I could hardly notice?
Give me a bit of a disclaimer before you do this next. Teach me how to take care of you… You’re not demanding, not confusing… just… difficult to placate and make believe.
It’s nice you don’t have any resistance to my words, and all that remedy I bring for you… but, you don’t hold it either!
Don’t be this void, bottomless vessel full of haunting noise. I don’t know how to fill you up so you don’t make those pathetic sounds…
Hey! are you listening??
It’s you I’m speaking to, girl!!
Hullo… where are you, hon? look here, face me! what is it? do something! say something!
I’m struggling a bit here, so I would welcome some help, maybe? Miss? you there?
vacuum consumes voice,
a blur of words and motion,
time is too viscous to make them heard,
too slow to wake this commotion.
wait, I’m here, tell me,
I’m listening, rigour my numbness
I’m almost there, just hold on
a little more
before your last word trails off
I don’t remember when
I last saw the surface,
I’ve been sinking ever since,
in this never-ending daze.
I yearn the air, the gasping breath,
the panting desire to live again,
for aching lungs, their shibboleth,
if not, then bottom, eternal rest,
ceasing silence, a painless death.
wait, I’m waiting for the
will to wait a little more,
halt your words, just hold
me there, near you, onshore.
I’ll be there, be there soon,
soon enough to save my heart,
and then, I promise, dear self,
we’d begin from the very start…
I’m here, just hold, i’m…
I’m tired, okay? If you be this stubborn thing, no one’s gonna look back again. you understand??
I’m doing so much to help, because I care. No body, NO BODY, is going to be there if you keep these walls up. Why won’t you let anyone help??
I wouldn’t have even cared to say so much and make these efforts, you know. But, ugh, I’m so helpless, I had to be you.