I wrote this long back.. Somehow I felt like reading it again… so here it is.

“But no, I’ve always been happy.”

“You may say so, but you can’t hide from me…

for I have seen you, Zia

I have seen you.

I have seen through that round happy face,

through that wide cheerful smile,

through your undaunted ringing laughter,

I have seen you, Zia.

I have seen what was crypt behind the smiling face,

I have seen the depths

where the dark prevails ,where Akhlys groans

swooping above all joy

that drains out as

little drops, heavy

with million a miseries

that amble around your amber eyes…

Your eyes,

I have seen them conceal

I have seen them hold,

the fire in your heart

and the cold.

How you do it

only you may know.

But I have seen through the twinkling of your eyes,

the twinkle that doth look like joy

is but the smoldering of tears that boil with rage.

I have seen you, Zia

 I have seen you.

Your screams and shouts stay concealed,

writhing inside yourself,

slowly eating away the  joy,

the pleasure, and all the good that’s left in you.”

“No, that isn’t true,

you see me just as I am.”

“You may say so, but I have seen you, Zia.

I have seen you fight with fears alone,

bottle the battles of emotions in you,

suppress the secrets that would give pain.

I have…

When you sit in a corner with an excuse of not being well,

really, healing the wounds with silent tears.

I know why you gaze up at the sky,

alone, searching for answers that no one can give.

I know why you sleep early,

to find solace in dreams,

strength in the drops of pearls

that wet the pillow with thousands of grieves.

I know why you pretend to sneeze,

knowing that your eyes are red with tears!

I know why you choose to sit near the window,

so that you can gaze out

to hide the frustration on your face.

I know why you say you’ve got cold,

because you cried away the last night.

I know why you go out of the house,

 to get away from life,

to get away from everything,

to go and lose yourself somewhere,

where there is no one but you,

 no sound but yours.

Where people wouldn’t question your weeping,

where no one would want to know why,

where you wouldn’t have to search for excuses,

where there wouldn’t be daily tests for patience and tolerance,

where no one compares you ,

where no one will judge you

by your silence or by tears.

I know why you read,

to find answers in the pages,

to be relieved that others

though, fictitious and fake

share same thoughts and issues.

I know why you do spill over pages,

to give voice to your muted heart

and, to let your gagged soul speak for itself.

Those pages, that hold so many

memories, thoughts, feelings, frustration, grief, happiness

and dreams…

The ink, plain black, which is house of the infinite colours, moods and emotions of yours,

is dearer than anything to you, I know.

I know why you imagine,

 to let yourself be another

to live a new life,

 to find new joy and

smile, just smile … reaching someplace else.

I have seen you, Zia.

I know you,

Don’t fight me away,

let me hold your hand

be with you, stay with you

and let you know that you aren’t alone.

I am with you and shall always be,

Don’t be afraid, all will be well

I promise.  I’ll help you through.

For I have seen you, Zia

I have seen you.”

……..

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7 thoughts on “I wrote this long back.. Somehow I felt like reading it again… so here it is.

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