I shut the door. I bury my throbbing head into books. I play some song in my mind to block the noise. I gaze out of the window, to hold back angry tears.
I might pretend to not care. I might barricade my thoughts from reaching there. I might try every possible way to ignore the constant rumble of words…
But I know, that in the room next to mine lies Reality.
Behind my avoiding eyes, is concern, for I hear her voice crack as she speaks. Hiding in my uncertain thoughts, lies the dread that tears might follow. Within the tight clasp of my hands, is the fear that the rising treble of the voices might break the fragility that holds us together.
I spend the hours, ticking through the deafening silence, trying to convince myself that it’s over and that it’s good for everyone.
But deep deep in me, something cries in the voice of Hope. The Hope that makes me believe in my little dream, makes me think that the impossible can happen, makes me trust that years of struggle would pay off someday.
But Hope hurts.
‘Cause this isn’t Wonderland. It’s a dread called Reality…
Though, just like us, Reality has flaws too. And all of us use those cracks and faults to escape the bitterness of it. We all find an escapism that helps us carry on, and keep our sanity. Mine happens to be words, verses and lyrics. But it’s a world too easy to slip into, and so hard to come out of.
I thought that it was words that kept me breathing, kept me from drowning into my own flaws. But, oh, unfaithful words turned their meanings and played my game against me.
I dived too deep and let it take me in too far. Now it’s nothing but a weakness that doesn’t allow me to surface to the Reality. I find myself sunk and stuck. I see the doors shut and my own walls closing in…
It seems, I need to find a new flaw in the Reality.
Or maybe face it the way it is.