I’ve found myself alone many times… most times. I used to look at myself in the mirror, and ask “why am I you?” I would look up at the stars and ask “why me?” I would cry myself to sleep… I would scream in my head….
I didn’t have anywhere to spill. I was never good at expressing. I couldn’t fight my own terrible thoughts.
But somehow, someday…
The silence filled my wounds, the tears made me look into myself. I started to feel my own skin, hear my own breath and understand my thoughts.
Today, I realize what I am. I was delusional about myself. I’m a lot more than I thought. I just couldn’t understand myself, because I was hiding the truth around me, and in me.
No. I’m not anybody, not somebody. I’m me. Complexly, me.
Somebody once told me, that love’s blind to people’s flaws, but friendship chooses to close its eyes. I don’t believe in either. Friendship is about love. Love just has many forms.
And if I call somebody my love, or my friend… I wont disregard their flaws…
I will know them, see them and fall in love with them.
And our flaws are what that make us what we are. What is our identity if not for our flaws? We are souls with gaps, with holes and abyss’. We live in order to fill them up.
The day a soul is flawless… it loses it’s identity. It dissolves into nothingness. It becomes ‘perfect’. And I call that soul God.
You can’t look for happiness. Because it doesn’t exist in a state like that. You can’t find it. You have to make it, form it. It’s all inside us. We have to realise the power we hold within us. We find it resonating in our souls. In our abyss of flaws. We need to look within, close our eyes, and talk to the devils in ourselves.
People have given me hope and strength when id needed it.
I don’t know how much of it can I give back to them…
But I offer them my words…
and my love, to fill the gaps with it, to fill their abyss of flaws.